Monday, November 12, 2007

An orgasm faker wannabe

For a long time I never really understood why anyone would feel the need to fake an orgasm. If she couldn't cum or I couldn't get her off for some reason then no biggie as long as the sex was still fun. I didn't understand where the insecurities lie with a guy that couldn't make it happen. Though certainly my favorite part (hence the blog title) there didn't always have to be an orgasm for every encounter.

Then again, I had almost never had it fail to happen under my touch. They would almost always orgasm (or at least cum) and I could always tell when it happened because of the physical signs. I don't mean a hammed performance like Meg Ryan put on. I mean the sudden flush of blood across her skin, the convulsing muscles, her vaginal walls suddenly swelling with blood and becoming tight around my cock, her squirting, or me even getting pushed out while her cervix spasmed. What's more, I'd make sure that my partner knew to make me aware if she didn't get at least one climax. I loved them. For the longest time it somehow never occurred to me that women might enjoy seeing their partner get off and be as sexually fulfilled as they were.

I am not as sensitive down there as most men, so on most encounters it takes a lot of skill and finesse to get me off. Much more work is needed on me than the average guy. I came to realize this had actually turned into a self esteem issue with some of the women I had sex with on a regular basis. They would get off many times but most of the time I would walk away without cumming. I was used to this and have sex for the fun of it, not just so I can cum, so it didn't bother me all that much (not that I wouldn't prefer to cum, given a choice). I didn't imagine what kind of impact it could have on my partner, making her feel inadequate.

It kind of blew up in an emotional mess on a couple of occasions. Men can't effectively fake orgasms so the only thing I could do was to try to reassure that they were good in bed. That it was me, not them. Besides, I have a bad habit of utterly wearing out the women I fuck before I am anywhere near cumming, so after I have finally gotten the animalistic passion out of my system they are typically so out of it they don't have the wherewithal to do much.

I can sort of understand now why some women would fake an orgasm for the benefit of their lover's ego. Whether that ego stroking is just so they can get the crappy sex over with so he will give up or to make him feel like he did good because some times you just can't get off no matter how much you want to. Think this is sound reasoning?

How would/do you feel when you don't get off the man/woman that you have sex with? Not just once, but several times one of you walks away without reaching climax while the other is completely satisfied.

9 comments:

candoo said...

To be honest, I have faked them before, but to just end the damn bad sex session. I don't like doing that, and I've not done that in years...

Carrie said...

Honestly it feels really shitty if/when your lover can't climax and you've reached the pleasure peak more than once... You feel inadequate, even when rational-thinking should prevale that sometimes (and it happens to all of us) no matter what you or we do we just can't finish.

But still... it feels bad when one partner is not "satisfied" so to speak.

Anonymous said...

Not so sensitive down there... can I ask why? I have a similar kind of issue, and feel prettyuch the same way about it you do lol. It doesn't bother me, I consider it most important to make sure she comes... at least once lol.

Sangria said...

anonymous:
I wish I knew why I wasn't so sensitive. It just has to be hit in precisely the right way or I can't feel enough to get off. Every now and then I am sensitive for some reason but those are few and far between. There are plenty of tips and tools to deal with the overly sensitive problem a lot of men have but nothing that I have found to do just the opposite. Although I don't mind having hours of sex to have an orgasm myself, it would be great if the typical quickie would produce results for me, too. So, if you ever find a solution, let me know! :)

Mandy said...

When I was with my former lover, he often did not come during sex, and/or sometimes I didn't - we talked about it honestly and what it boiled down to was that we were together enough that if one of us didn't get off this time, we would next time. Or while masturbating to the memory.

Anonymous said...

I can fake an orgasm better than anyone. I've gotten so good I can fake the vaginal muscle spasms, 'wetness', flushed color around my pussy, everything. Because it boils down to the fact I cannot cum through intercourse. Or oral. My vibrator can get me off, thats it.
And it brings me no joy to admit any of this.

Odoriko said...

I have never faked an orgasm (but then, I've never orgasmed from penetration at all) and I never would. it's lying, plain and simple. Though I can understand the self-esteem thing that some people may get if they can't make their partner orgasm, but really, that indicates to me that the relationship does not have very good communication. If it can be fixed, fix it. if it can't be helped, get over it and have fun anyway.

My lover once faked an orgasm, but that's coz he was drunk and we'd been going for ages and he was getting really tired :P He told me a long time later. I found it amusing.

Monogamous Couple said...

The geek 1/2 of us here....

Good post.

My wife is easily and multi-orgasmic. I not so much. I went a long time with real difficulty reaching orgasm because of taking prozac. I could get it up, keep it up, get her off, but it wasn't as fulfilling t her as a quick orgasm. She (as her handle implies) likes to give head, but it is most fulfilling to her if she at least believes it might go off while cleaning it. Even if she chooses to stop as I start to tighten up and have me finish inside her, it's still part of the continuation of the fellatio. She couldn't really believe that it was worthwhile and enjoyable to me if I didn't finish.

Now off of that evil drug and using excessive blogged about sex as my antidepressant, I don;t cum like an 18 year old but multiple deliveries by me in rolling 24 hour periods bring a slutty smile to her face.


The Fellatio Artist & The Geek

Sangria said...

@Monogamous Couple:
While oral is not necessarily more likely to get me off, it is the most likely to produce intense powerful mind-numbing orgasms. Perhaps it is that I do not have to work to cum at all, it is quite literally sucked right out of me.